Power
You never put much thought into anything you’ve ever said to me.
You never proofread or doubted yourself to the point of
pacing a room or waking a friend.
You devastate with the most simple formation of words
but in the middle of being destroyed, I expected more.
I wrote volumes with chewed fingers, self medication and some erasing.
I lost sleep, forced rhyme and surrendered pride.
You douse language in mud and switch your tone
like a hinged tool on a Swiss army knife
to make a circus of the logic that has enabled me to survive this far in life,
then stab at the weight of my intellect until it’s lighter than ink.
Who the hell do you think you are?
You should not be able to defy the laws of reason,
to be this monster of a woman without some courtesy of restraint,
when it’s only because I loved you, that you ever had strength.
I could index our differences but only cite a same.
In my head, there are standards, a series of rigorous tests and unfair judgments
a woman must endure before she marks my life like the title of a poem.
But for all my unthinking parts it was enough that you laughed at my jokes
and had a pretty face.
I should have been harder to catch and this hook in my cheek
has just, ruined my self respect.
The attraction never made sense in its simple nature
and looked even worse on paper where I tried to complicate the order of events.
They say you can’t help these things,
the heart is ungovernable as a teenager and even less trustworthy.
Too bad I am not comforted by the quotes of others,
people whose hearts you have not yet eaten.
I’d like to hear from someone with my experience
that has lived to speak, just for an ounce of comfort
if not some diversion for escape.
You should not have been this certain fate,
counting on a smile and overconfident about the eyes
that could draw battle lines between any two people in the way of their landing.
You should never have taken that capacity for granted
when it’s only because I loved you that you had the chance.
You said you weren’t oblivious, but you could have tried to be responsible.
I don’t mean to imply that you are downright evil,
but you don’t ridicule somebody’s feelings
without losing a bit of humanity.
You should not abuse those few things in the world
that people give to the undeserving.
There are worse things than being wanted
that you don’t know how to appreciate
and that just makes you look like a coward.
You should never have let anything happen, that did
and knowing as well as you said makes you look like the marauder.
You had no right to be so arrogant then
or so ungracious now
when it is only because I loved you so much
that any of your actions could have power.
