A garden of muses

I always see her first
and THANK CHRIST for the minor allowance
which gives my reaction a second take so laid back
she will never find the enthusiasm in my eyes
or the feelings I have.

She considers herself shy
but loves people and searching for good conversation
like the best cup of coffee from a convenience store.
She comments to herself or to whomever
can hear under her breath during lecture
as if she is unsure of her own thoughts and whether
they deserve the full measure of her voice.
I just smile when I cannot catch the words
wishing the whole room would quiet for her casual banter.

She is forever doodling and clutching a journal
or notebook as though it could be an extension of her body.
I watch the others, fooling on and off with cell phones
or climbing walls with their eyes
while she is hunched over and mostly attentive
even when she appears otherwise immersed.
She’ll scribble if she is not taking notes
out of some innate sense of duty the rest of us should learn.
She takes more from the ones she really likes
and complains that there is no homework
because she isn’t getting enough from this class.
She is in love with life and craving knowledge
in a way that would be contagious if I were satisfied
by saying that she is unusual and striking.

She does not feel articulate when she speaks
but as far as I am concerned she is well versed
and will often reverberate my own thoughts before they form.
I like talking to her,
she has substance and there is a connection
I sometimes wish there wasn’t
but more than that, it’s the only justification there is
for looking so directly in a way that would otherwise be staring.
I find myself fishing for a fresh topic like my next meal
and fight my introverted tendencies like an infection
that would keep me from the study of her face
when there is nothing I need more.
Somewhere she is the waitress
who never fails to smile and divulge the menial details of her life
to strangers who come to feed on her character more than the food.
I’d bet by my fixation and her walking phenomenon
that she’s never had to pursue anyone
in her 24 years on earth.
She’s just that sort of charismatic calm you could miss but only because
she hasn’t stopped to count her followers.
She’s enigmatic without being elusive
and absolutely stunning without even trying.

The piercing on her bottom lip
does not subtract anything from her face
or begin to categorize her beauty the way it would for others.
When I’m looking into her eyes I forget it’s even there,
they are so hypnotic and generously shaped
I could lose my composure if I were not cautious
and every so often, looking away.
At times the color will play with the pigment of her clothes
or depend on the altruism of light,
I have been fooled by green and bewitched by a deep yellow
that could be saffron or gold
but as a whole they are almost feline.

She has the outline of a watch on her right wrist
as a statement against our institutionalized and regimented society
and would spend all day painting if she had no where else to go.
She doesn’t paint her nails or wear perfume
but if you sit next to her, you’d notice the soft musk
of nicotine and marijuana and look for it in a bottle.
Her clothes are not name brand or on any hot list,
sometimes they are paint stained and torn in places I want to put my hands.
I can honestly say I have never seen her look bad
and there’s just something about when she wears black.
I can’t tell you what she does with her hair but it is unique
and when she wears it up, there are three bands of color
and a Chinese symbol behind her left ear
I have been meaning to ask about.

Whether I see her in passing or for a set time,
it is the highlight of my day.
She has suspended my faith in fate
with the revelation of a ring.
She is engaged and loves him to death,
if there were such a thing as the power of prayer I would be on my knees
until he was out of the picture.
He’s in construction she tells me, he can build her a house
and all I’m thinking is I cannot compete with that
as if it matters.
If she were not with him, she would not be with anyone,
she feels tied down by the relationship and wants to travel.
You would probably find her in the desert
digging in the sand for her personal legend,
at heart she is a student of the world and probably
will not be fully satisfied by anything or anyone.

I would be wild and rabidly jealous
of that man, his little ring and hard hat
but she is not the kind of person that anyone ever really has.