A garden of muses

I wonder lately,
just how many doors you bar over your heart
and if I hold any of the keys,
then, where can I start?
How could I ever hurt you?
I’m nothing like her.
So tell me why,
every time I try to reach you,
my hand imparts nothing more than the air.
And how I can help you,
if you won’t let me be something that you need?

Now I can’t see,
why you never show and you never call.
My stomach knows only how to turn over itself,
and growl over every meal I skip to sit by the window,
watching for your car.
My system is so nervous and so restless,
that some nights I haven’t slept at all.
I stare at a lot of nothing,
crawling through a maze without an exit,
trying to decipher what I missed.
What could I have done to deserve this,
craze.

Days,
I watch you walk down this hall.
God, I want to run to you
but, I fear I’d run into a wall.
I want to say,
“something wrong honey,
something I can do?”
But, I’m so scared,
you really don’t want me to,
don’t want me,
why
would you?